She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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