You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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