Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
