Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
