plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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