then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think your dad took our porno
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
