bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
