Yo dont text me then not text me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize