My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
