I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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