youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
