I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
two words...techno handjob
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
