Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
