after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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