i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
