It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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