Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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