ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
