I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish you could order shots online.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
