he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
