I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
