I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
