When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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