I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
