Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
