So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it because I queefed?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
