with your own penis?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
