we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
