we'll go far in life on tits alone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
