okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
