im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
