I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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