I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
