people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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