Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
