how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
