i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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