last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
