He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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