I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
