is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm at about main and main street
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
