Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
