dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I pour the whiskey from now on
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