I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
