The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
