I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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