If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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