If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
