do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
