At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
