I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
