the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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