i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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