I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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