I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
