I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
