If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
