we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
