My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
