He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
