EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
