There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
