Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
