how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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