um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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