Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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