fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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