The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
