Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
