we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
