Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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