new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
