Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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