What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am in a vortex of obligation.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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