apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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