i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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