Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just google imaged poop.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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