but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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