i barfeds in our rink
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
