sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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