I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
