a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't turn off my feet"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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