Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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