a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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