That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
