This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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