i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
