2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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