too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
