Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
