i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
