I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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