the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
