What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
