the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize