Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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